WHERE IS YOUR MIDDLE?
There are many kinds of middles as well as middling. We often think of middle as that which is in between one end and the other. We have the middle child, we are almost at the mid-term elections, halfway through the four-year term of a President and a mid-life crisis happens somewhere between ages 40 and 60. That may be based on life-expectancy which has actually decreased recently. In 2021 it was 73.2 years, representing a decline of 1.0 year from 74.2 years in 2020. Although halfway to 74 is 37, that close enough to 40.
Sarah Barnett, writing in her ninth decade, remarked recently “I was so careless to turn eighty.” In the middle of my ninth decade, Sarah and I share some similar concerns regarding finding the right words and putting them together to make sense. Here is her thoughtful essay: https://brevity.wordpress.com/2022/10/26/writing-in-my-ninth-decade/
What is the meaning of what we discover about ourselves at this point in time, in this lifetime of experiences and collection of memories, relationships and wonderment? We write about what it’s like being among the elders who have seen so much, learned a lot along the way and come to this place of gratitude for having enough sense to know what day it is, at least most of the time. We said good-bye to many family and friends, death taking some earlier than we might have wished and yet we know that’s how life is – fragile, unpredictable, and precious. We said hello to new members of our families along the way, everyone somewhere between birth and death.
No longer middle age and not afraid to say aging because like so much else, that’s a continuous process still at work. That we can recognize it means we’re still conscious and alert to the ongoing changes. Thus far, that’s a good thing and although the warranties have expired, we have not. What I said to Sarah is that as long as we can keep on going, we will keep on going. That means, for some of us, writing, reading, traveling, sharing, celebrating and enjoying being in the middle of another decade.
If there is a fixed timetable, a mileage chart, points in time like a solstice or an equinox or the phases of the moon, we know where the middle is. Once we pass into what is the second half of a life span, we really don’t care where the middle was and are glad and grateful to be where we are. Once I passed 75, I thought of measuring a lifetime in quarter periods, giving approximately 25 years to each quarter, knowing I was moving into the 4th and final quarter. It was also a way to review the differences and the changes that had taken place in each of those approximate time periods. That was when I wrote the book, “Seven Decades: A Learning Memoir” (River House Press, 2013), another decade having passed by since then.
Whether we measure our lives by decades or quarters makes little difference. What makes a difference is how we lived those years, whether or not we believe our investment and expenditure of time, effort and energy was worth something of value to others, and what we contributed to making life better wherever we had the chance. Often attributed to Lincoln but no evidence he ever said it, “What matters is this, not how many years in our lives but how much life in our years.” May your lives be filled with love, grace and gratitude and the gift of more time to share those generously.