I wrote this originally a few years ago and people seemed to enjoy it. It’s good for a laugh at the end of the academic year so herewith a reprise. Some further treatments and therapies may be in the works.
10. MABS – Myopic, Apathetic, Blame Syndrome – This disease is characterized by lack of vision, indifference and the attempt to shift responsibility to other people. (see following ailment).
9. PEST – Plasmapheretic Educational System Transference – A condition recognized in those who drain the organism and then because of inactivity offer bureacracy as a reason for the illness.
8. CRUD – Cholangitis Reoccurence Under Duress – Inflammation of bile ducts marked by pain in the upper right quadrant of the abdomen and caused by infection or obstruction, it is often treated by drugs or surgery. Obstruction is a condition often occurring when progress is blocked or when one wishes to block progress.
7. DEAD – Deeply Entrenched Atrophic Dementia – Often seen in those who mistake the edge of the rut for the horizon, this condition is a progressive state of mental decline, especially in memory and judgment, often accompanied by disorientation and disintegration of the personality. If caused by a metabolic diseases, it may be reversed. If due to brain injury or degeneration due to aging, change may be irreversible. This is often not recognized by those who have it.
6. PAIN – Psychogenic Aphakic Intestinal Nonsense – Persons afflicted with this cannot swallow pride or much else but is mostly a mental condition accompanied by blurred vision and there is no biological basis for the condition. Those suffering from this disease are very uncomfortable with change and often fearful, insecure and have a weak stomach. May be heard to whine to colleagues. Radical and aggressive treatment often consists of removal to a new location and job.
5. BORE – Big Opthalmic Rectal Enteritis – Sometimes a crossing of certain ocular and rectal functions cause diarrhea, verbal or otherwise and this can adversely affect one’s outlook; in extreme cases it can lead to fecal impaction; the reverse condition renders one filled to capacity. Treatment is most often accompanied by a change in attitude.
4. LAME – Loud Aching Martyred Epicondylitis – This characterizes those who complain about carrying a heavy load while wishing others would work as hard as they do. This can be very contagious so caution is recommended for those in proximity.
3. GRIPE – Glottic Repetition Instead of Pitching in Energetically – This is self-explanatory and recognizable because those so afflicted would rather talk about the problem than do something creative to solve it. They also seem to enjoy hearing themselves more than listening to others.
2. ARUMP – Arteriosclerosis Revealing Union Mentality Proliferation – A condition that reflects a hardening of the institutional arteries which in turn prevents the open flow of communication and it can spread if not kept in check through a healthy exercise of mental and physical renewal. (This is sometimes used as a prefix to meetings)
1. SOSOB – Same Old Same Old Beliefs or in medical terminology Systemic Osteolysis/Schizophrenic Obsessive Burnout – Those fearing change become stuck, hard and fast in their way of acting and refuse to consider new paradigms. The result if finally just giving up and giving in rather than trying to learn something new and improve both self and system.