CHOICES

Every choice we have made has brought us to where we are at this moment in time.  That and the choices we make today will likely influence where we’re headed tomorrow.

Here is one story that illustrates the inevitable choice > consequence (result) equation.  Name is changed to protect privacy.

1 – Andrew, who did not have an easy childhood, enlisted in the Army at age 18, became a paratrooper, made numerous jumps in training, and did three tours of duty in Afghanistan where he drove a vehicle to detect hidden roadside bombs known as IED’s.  Those are an “improvised explosive device”, a bomb constructed and deployed in ways other than in conventional military action. It may be constructed of conventional military explosives, such as an artillery shell, attached to a detonating mechanism.  Andrew and his crew either removed or detonated many of these and also cleaned up broken bodies of children and adults who were victims of these devices.

After 14 years in the Army, Andrew was given a medical discharge and put on 100% disability.  Veteran’s benefits pay him about $70K annually.  He returned home to a wife and two children, a third on the way.  The marriage was flawed from the beginning because the wife/ mother had some mental health issues. A difficult divorce ensued with Andrew ending up having full custody of 3 young children and no job. He was employed for awhile but because of alcohol dependency he worked intermittently and had difficulty getting help for child care.  Family living nearby tried to help and support Andrew but he remains unhappy, stressed, angry and frustrated.  He has not been able to choose to take responsibility for his actions and tends to blame others for his predicament.

Andrew does not believe he can change his life by making different choices and does not see that unless he deals with his problems with alcohol and his low self-esteem, nothing will change and his life will likely get worse before it gets better.  He does not understand that he has options to make different choices in order to get different results.  At this point, he refuses to seek help.

Consider the following questions I would offer to Andrew, ones that I developed several years ago in my work with people in helping them to make life changes.

Every day we have this privilege to decide how we will spend or invest it, how we will give ourselves to it through time, energy, effort, thought, feelings and perhaps most visible of all, behavior.  For starters, do you consider this day a privilege or a gift or is it more of a job and a task?  Burden or blessing?  A gift of unexplained grace or an agenda with anxiety as to how it will go and how you will do?  For most, it is probably not one or the other but some mysterious combination of what we are free to choose to be and do and what we believe we must be and do.

How you answer those questions at the start of another day will, in large measure, help determine what kind of day you are going to have.  The attitude with which you start will likely carry through unless there is a conscious effort to make a shift if you are uncomfortable going forward.  That we have the ability for self-examination and conscious reflection is in itself a choice, or not, as the case may be.  If you think it is either/or, consider both/and.

Stop for a moment and ask this question. Why am I the way I am right now, in this very moment?  What am I thinking, how am I feeling?  Am I looking ahead or am I in this present moment, consciously aware of myself and my surroundings?  Are my thoughts and feelings with me about myself or am I looking ahead to what I think I must do next or even later today?

What have I brought to this moment in time?  Is it the beginning, middle or end of the day?  How does that influence and shape my thoughts, feelings and behaviors?

Am I influenced more by internal or external motivation and desires?  Again, it’s not an either/or proposition unless we focus entirely on one or the other.  Have you developed a personal philosophy that you can articulate for yourself and others?  Why did you do that?  Or why did you not do that?  Has it changed over the years?  Yes or no?  Yes and no? More yes than no or more no than yes?

Would you like to make a shift right now one way or the other?  Why?  Why not?  On and on it goes, and there you have it. The decades roll on until they don’t.  How will you grace this day or if it’s past how did you do?  Conscious decisions, conscious choices, each one and all yours to own, assess and celebrate.